Extreme Football Forum  |  Off Topic Forums  |  General Chat  |  Topic: Funny Memories From A Lads Holiday

Well me and the lads are thinking of booking another all lads holiday as we always have a scream, I could make a book on some of the mad things that have happened but heres a starter that made me laugh.  

SHITTYARSE EXORCIST GOING MISSING FOR NEARLY 2 DAYS
Our first night in Benidorm, and the Shittyarse Exorcist(thats our name for him as he cant go anywhere without either shitting his kecks, nearly shitting himself, getting the wildies or going sick all over himself on the way home) was out with us, we were all wasted and about 4 am we decided we have had enough.
So we are all outside this bar(about 12 of us) waiting for a taxi and Shittyarse goes walking off to get something to eat(reckons he told us but he never), so we flag a taxi down, 4 of us jump in the first one, the others follow on back to the hotel just after us.
We get back to the Hotel, one of the lads says, 'Wheres Shittyarse?', we are all like, 'I thought he was with you etc'.
So we are all pissing ourselves laughing saying hes gone walkies, have a beer and go to bed.
We get up about 12 the next day still no sign of him anywhere, so we think shit we better look for him(a knobhead he might be, but we didnt want nothing to happen to him).
So we walk for ages and cant find him anywhere, so we decide to sleep on it for one more night and then see if he turns up, if not go to the Police and see what they can do.
So the next day we search for him cant find him, about 6 pm we go for our tea and then decide to go on another little search down the side streets etc.
Next thing we are shouting his name, and he just appears from nowhere behind a Cortina, stinking of shit and with slops all down his mouth and sick all over his T-Shirt.
His face was like Fucking Thunder I tell you, everyone were pissing themselves laughing(because it always happens to him), we walked him home and he just went straight to bed and never went out again for the rest of the holiday  

Another good one.
One of our mates on the same holiday earned himself a new nickname Teabag.
The reason why is because we all went out(apart from Shittyarse who stayed in watching the telly), and Teabag got absolutely hammered.
About 9 am the next morning, Im sitting in the Hotel Bar having a curer and I can just hear all laughing coming from the 1st floor(I knew straight away it was our lot), one of the lads come down and said, 'Roberts come up quick lad your going to see the funniest thing ever!'.  So I went up there to see 3 of the lads bollocko and Teabag asleep on the couch out of it, and you guessed it.....THEY TEABAGGED HIM!!
Balls in his face, one of the lads jizzed on his hand and wiped it in Teabags face, he was oblivous to it, he was just smiling.
Then they sat in his face and rubbed their bollocks all over him as well as putting their arses in his face and farting on him.
To top it off one of the lads filmed it and bluetoothed it to everyone.
Teabag didnt know until someone showed him the video 3 days later, it was funny afterwards he just got proper ripped and even when we went to clubs they would request a song for Teabag 'Sit Down on It'.
By this time Teabag was fuming, and when we got home and went to the old Reflex(now Popworld) one of the lads who teabagged him got the DJ to announce 'Heres a song for Teabag-Sit Down on It OH YEAH!', by this time Teabag went for the lad and got threw out by about 3 bouncers, with Sit Down on It still playing and all of us laughing.
They havent spoke since  :england:

Funny when one of my mates who we call Ugly Bob famously went away with just ?100 to his name to Benidorm in 2004 for 2 Weeks(Hes not a tight arse just bad with money, and the ?100 was his nans ciggie money).
So when we went away he was budgeting his money, like only having 2 drinks a night and then going home early, and living off the cheapest food he could buy and having 1 meal per day  
He then started begging the lads to lend him cash which they wouldnt and all through the 2 weeks I have never known anyone to get the piss taken out of them so bad, but he just used to walk off he would never answer them back.
And Ugly Bob one time tried to show off to these 2 fit scouse girls by the bar in Cafe Benidorm and downed this really strong shot, as he isnt much of a drinker he vomited all over the bar infront of the 2 horrified girls and the barman had sick all over his T-Shirt, next thing 2 bouncers appear and lash Ugly Bob out.  
After a few days though he only had only pennies to spend he had the bare minimum to eat and wouldnt buy water, one day we tried to tell him not to drink the Spanish Water, anyway he drinks it and gets the shits bad for 3 days  
Then one day I thought 2 of the lads were taking pity on him in the cafe, how wrong I was, Psycho asked him was he hungry and when Ugly Bob said he was, Psycho gave him 2 packets of salt and a few packets of Ketchup and said, 'That will keep you going for a few days lad', by then Ugly Bob just got up and walked off    
I even told Ugly Bob to answer them back but he wouldnt, I even felt pity on him until I heard he was slagging me off behind my back to some of them calling me a tight cunt because I wouldnt lend him ?300! He had 7 months to save up for the holiday!
Some of the lads even used to say Ugly Bob is probably living off drainwater by now  
Hes like Shittyarse Exorcist one of the unlucky ones in our group  
To top it off he came home without his nans ciggies so she booted him out and he had to go and live with his ma again  

Magaluf, May '08

10 of us go to Magaluf for a our first lads holiday, Valiant included.

We gets to hotel and are immediately pounced on by the reps; seriously pressing their pub crawl, beach bbq and a trip on the new arrivals.
We gets to the rooms, and one of the reps follows us up to continue trying to 'sell' this package, (Few of the lads unsure about it)
About an hour into our holiday, we are all still stuck in a room with a rep, everyone starting to argue
turns out we agree to go to the pub crawl (Cheap, and find our way round the strip) for 15 euros.

We meet up later, and go to a couple of the bars, paying only a euro for a pint. Then we goes to Chaplins, where they have a series of drinking games and challenges. There is the left hand drinking rule (caught drinking from right - down the drink) Then we nominate one of the lads to do a challenge.
The Dj sends him in the back with a woman, to change into the 'uniform' - minutes later he comes back, dressed only in a thong and straw hat. Now bare in mind, he is a rather large fella, and leaves little to the imagination   .

He has to do down a shot, run round a pole 10 times, Snog a girl (picked randomly from crowd) then do 10 press ups. He has to repeat 5 times.

The shots were:
Aftershock & Salt and Pepper
Aftershock & Chilli sauce
Black Absinthe
Red Absinthe
Aftershock with washing up liquid

Now this is only early 8.30 to 9ish, and this lad is wrecked.

cut a long story short... We all end up wrecked and separated. I find out i'm wandering round Magaluf bleeding from the back of my head... being told I've been headbutted.
The other lad is wandering round somewhere else, and falls over, cutting up his face on the kerb.

I wake up in the wrong bed, t-shirt all bloody, sick all up the wall. Find out the lad got brought back by some geordie lads after being very woozy. And another lad got locked out of the room, and tried to kick down the door - but actually shifting the doorframe 1/2inch.

So. First morning in Magaluf, Me and the Kerb lad are feeling rather sorry for ourselves, and We (as a group) are given a last warning by the manager for the damage. It was only some fierce negotiating by Valiant that kept us in the hotel.


More to come when i can type again.